I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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