Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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