david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
