She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
