Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
