my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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