would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
operation have a gay friend backfired
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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