Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
