I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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