i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
