My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
