my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
