i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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