Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
