the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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