You're my little dorito
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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