i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
