Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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