I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
