Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
