Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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