i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
