This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
