You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
