I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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