i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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