can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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