wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
