plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
