Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
