My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
