matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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