Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
