cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
