I feel like abortions should bother me more
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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