Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
