Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
