Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
