Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i think im in europe. pls send help
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize