My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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