I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
