Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
