so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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