Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
