Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
