You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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