the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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