so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
