Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
