Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
