So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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