No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
