my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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