apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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