I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
