I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.