Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i think i just lost a toe
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.