you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.