How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
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Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"