Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
