If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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