im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick