i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me