mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
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Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.