I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.