How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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