Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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