I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
