I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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