Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
