last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
