I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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