why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
